all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
