You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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