I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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