He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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