Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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