Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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