I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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