Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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