guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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