just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?