His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car