So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
