i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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