Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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