I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
