I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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