You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I could make wine with my vomit
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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