I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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