small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
