He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
