so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
