Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
