I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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