Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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