Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
