My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm too high and old for this...
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