dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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