I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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