also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
