She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
