When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize