Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
