i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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