i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize