woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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