"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
