I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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