Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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