Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
