FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
