Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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