I wish my penis had an off switch
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
