Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
