conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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