Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
