An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
