Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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