she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
