Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
