Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
