Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
