my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
